I just finished reading A World Waiting to Be Born, Civility Rediscovered by M. Scott Peck, M.D. Dr. Peck defines civility as "consciously motivated organizational behavior that is ethical in submission to a Higher Power". Wow, that's a mouthful. The book has a decidedly Christian viewpoint, but Dr. Peck accommodates all religions by using the term "Higher Power".
Interesting to me is the fact that civility is not mere politeness. At times, one must be impolite in order to be truly civil as civility refers more to honesty in our interactions with each other. I'm not suggesting you approach that stranger at the aquarium and inform him that he'd look more attractive if he'd cover up that third roll of adipose tissue hanging over his shorts. No, that would be downright rude and not guided by a Higher Power. (Remember the last part of the definition?) But smiling and nodding politely in order to avoid confrontation with friends, family, or co-workers can be uncivil behavior when it robs us of a chance to have an honest interaction which could enrich and enlighten us, albeit sometimes painfully.
Dr. Peck also defines health as "an ongoing process, often painful, of an organism becoming the most--the best--it can be". This applies to the physical healing of an individual, but more to changes in an organization or any type of system or relationship. He states that "Genuine civility is a form of healing behavior that demands often painful honesty and the scalpel of candor." Not easy to put that into action. No wonder we smile and look the other way instead of rocking the boat. It takes a real commitment to consciously look at another person, hear what they're saying, see who they really are, and react with honesty and consideration of a higher authority.
The opposite would be narcissism--a precursor to incivility. A narcissist doesn't look at others, in fact is hardly aware of them and relates to them as "the enemy" if at all. We all have narcissistic tendencies, but I'm talking about a real personality disorder. Most of us can become aware of our narcissism, our self-centeredness, and alter our focus to include others. Admittedly an introvert, I am more conscious of my own self-absorption after reading this book.
Dr. Peck wants to change the world by helping organizations practice civility. Noble, and entirely doable if the desire is there. He thinks it will happen because it is cost-effective for businesses to function this way. How do we convince businesses that it is cost-effective?
Personally, I have to start with myself. It's a daily process and I have a lot to work on.
Addendum to the previous post: A female hummingbird showed up 2 days after I filled the feeders. Yea!
With love,
Serena
